By Kathleen O’Brien
How does a grandparent hug an iPad? Or wipe the snot from a grandchild’s nose watching from a video screen? As much as the coronavirus is costing jobs and lives, it is also interrupting the relationship grandparents want with their grandchildren. Many grandparents are having a very hard time dealing with the disconnect with their grandchildren.
“I just want a hug” is what most say. One couple FaceTimes and often drives to their grandchildren’s home to watch them play. They remain in their car. When it’s time for goodbyes, the two little boys, 6 and 8, press their faces to the car windows and kiss the glass. “Grandma, Grandpa, please stay and watch TV with us.” It surely is hard. Their mom has explained as much as possible. “They are worried about Nana and Papa getting it, and they ask a lot of questions.”
One mom says, “We don’t talk about people dying, but how people can get very sick and die.” The family practices social distancing. “They get why they cannot play with their friends and now understand why they cannot be with their grandparents.”
Grandparents are replacing Cookie Monster and Spider-Man on the iPad. They sing the A-B-Cs, Happy Birthday or count 1-2-3, blow kisses or tell stories to connect. “It is truly awful,” says a grandma. “I spend a lot of time doing FaceTime.” She and her husband used to babysit their grandchildren every day while both parents worked. Now, both houses, within a block away, are isolated. “Are Grandma and Pappy coming to see me?” This disconnect is hard on both families.
Barrett’s mom coaches him during FaceTime. “Ask grandma what she did today. What kind of bird did we see on our walk?” Somewhere in and out of the conversation, Barrett, 3, ignores the conversation and plays with his toys. The older grandchildren feel the disconnect, too. Gregan, 11, says she hasn’t seen her grandparents for a long time. “Grandma, I really miss our walks. It is easier to talk to you than through a letter or text.”
This week, my son videoed his four children playing at the public library parking lot. The library, as most everything, is closed, so it’s a great place to bike, scooter and rollerblade. “Watch, Grandma. Watch me skate.” Much going on in those few minutes. “Where’s Grandma?” They see me on the screen, they smile and say hello, but as my son says, “Mom, they just don’t get it.”
What’s a grandparent to do? Keep FaceTiming, telephoning, mailing a packet of sunflower seeds to watch and talk about the progress. Ask questions, tell stories. Do not feel defeated if the child appears to be disengaged.
This isolation is heartfelt, but it shouldn’t and most likely won’t stop a grandparent. Before we know it, we will be getting that hug, wiping that nose, reading that story to our dear grandchildren.
Kathleen O’Brien is a Cuyahoga County grandma of 9 — soon to be 10 — grandchildren, come June. She bikes, walks, gardens, FaceTimes and is an instructor at two community colleges.
