Aging and Life Enhancement
By Kathryn Kilpatrick
“Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.” ~Christopher Germer
Maybe you are the person who is professionally caring for older adults or one of your friends or a relative. It is not unusual for someone caring for another to feel like they are on overload or have some anxiety about their abilities to handle situations with the challenges and changes that may occur. Equally important for any caregiver is to also prioritize self-care, including the habits and choices made on a daily basis while assisting another.
Research supports the fact that your lifestyle choices are important on so many levels for successful aging. How you handle stress, the amount and quality of your sleep, physical activity, diet and hydration will impact your health and well-being, as well. If you are significantly engaged in providing support for others, personally and/or professionally, you need to make sure you do not let things slip in your self-care.
One way to do that is to think about ways you can support each other as you interact. One caregiver who worked with hospice patients for decades started to introduce to her grandmother who was recovering from hip replacement some practices for destressing by doing mini breathing/meditation activities. This was definitely mutually beneficial and became an ongoing ritual, but it happened by taking some baby steps at first. The caregiver started with soothing music and nature sounds. Eventually, her patient picked from a list of suggestions the family created, which resulted in a few other people doing a similar activity when visiting but utilizing some videos and other options they found online.
Perhaps a certain television special or video has more appeal. Find something fun and lighthearted as a stress reliever to start. One granddaughter would visit monthly for their Saturday “movie” afternoon and she found options that appealed to her grandmother. One thing that was added was making a snack together, since her grandmother loved being in the kitchen but needed some assistance, so she rarely tried anything beyond the basics. With her granddaughter doing the shopping ahead of time, they decided to create some healthy snacks together during her visit when she was in town on business. The granddaughter also made sure she made extra for the next day or so for her grandmother, especially her favorites. A little planning ahead can mean a lot in enhancing engagement, reducing boredom, and providing some conversation-starters for an older adult.
When there is a hired caregiver who is there more frequently, my suggestion was for one son to pick out something of interest, like his dad’s favorite weekly game show or a special sporting event, and saved it on the patient’s television since that was too complicated for his dad to do on his own. The caregiver would set it up and play it when the patient had his lunch or save it for after his nap so the caregiver could watch it with him for a while. If the process is not complicated, this can be an activity to build on that can encourage increased conversations.
My mom always had certain soap operas she watched, and although I only watched them when visiting her, she kept me up on the highlights during phone calls. She may not have gotten all the facts straight but that was not important. It was a nice long-distance ritual that she looked forward to.
A sister who had recently retired decided how she and her older cousin, who lived in another state, could stay connected. They picked a show they both liked and would call at the designated time so they would watch the same program together once a week. It became their “thing” they both began to look forward to. The benefits were many, and eventually, a few other family members picked up on the idea.
A friend’s grandson, who was taking golf lessons, got inspired by playing with his grandfather before he went to college. Grandpa had been an avid golfer, so it gave them things to talk about in their phone calls. Grandpa had a hearing loss so the conversations were usually short. Once his grandfather got a closed-captioned phone, which also provides a screen text of the conversation, the frequency and length of their conversations increased. What a difference that made and eventually, other family members increased their calls since conversations were definitely less of a struggle.
It is a win-win situation when it is possible to create meaningful interactions. Most importantly, to increase engagement, find activities that appeal to an older adult. Just modify-modify-modify for physical, hearing, vision, memory and cognitive challenges, especially as subtle changes occur.
So even as you care for someone else, incorporate self-care techniques into your caregiving routine so you feel energized, rather than depleted, by the care you give.
We can all make a difference in the lives of others in need because it is the most simple of gestures that make the most significant of differences. ~Miya Yamanouchi
