When you first took on the role of executor, you were probably more focused on the honor than on the responsibilities, being recognized as the go-to person in the family making things right. Perhaps you were the one to resolve difficult issues in the past, but you should know that being an executor is different, especially when there is a surviving spouse.
Settling an estate necessarily means stepping into many subcultures — legal, medical, even flea markets. Each of these groups has their own set of players following their own rules.
Common Challenges
A few years back, I took on the roles of executor for my father’s estate and guardian for my mother who suffered from dementia and Parkinson’s disease. This is what kept me up at night during the subsequent two years:
- Finding suitable living arrangements for mom. When there is a surviving spouse, this is often a very urgent need; one of the first issues to be addressed.
- Poor records, fraudulent creditors. It is the rare estate where every financial obligation is disclosed and documented completely. It will take detective work to figure out where all the assets and liabilities are. Creditors know that and may claim the estate owes more money than it actually does.
- Scattered and/or hidden financial assets. Over the decades, an elderly parent may have squirreled away assets that are hard to find.
- Technology laggards – attorneys, courts, medical, insurance companies and banks often refuse to use email or text. Many of the people you will be dealing with refuse to use communication methods that have been standard practice since 1995 for the rest of us. Possibly they want the plausible deniability that electronic records eliminate. Many will claim company policy. They usually will accept a fax, which means you’ll have to take your documents to your local Staples store since many homes don’t even have phone lines anymore to connect to a fax machine.
- Working for free. At some point, it will occur to you that this 40+ hour per week job you’re doing is being done without compensation and is limiting your ability to earn a living wage.
- Managing three+ families. You may have difficulty managing your parent’s life, paying attention to your kids, and keeping your own life on track.
- Elders frequently require aggressive health care. Managing care for an older loved one can be a challenge. They often see, and need transportation to, several medical appointments a month.
- The courts. Many, if not most court procedures are set up to stop criminals from stealing from the estate in some way or another, and their procedures assume you are one of the bad guys. It can be insulting; don’t let it get under your skin.
- Managing estate money… often frozen at time of death. One way the law attempts to prevent theft is to freeze the deceased’s bank assets at time of death if proper arrangements weren’t made beforehand. You then have to get the assets unfrozen. There are attorneys who will do that for you, usually without asking for money up front for their services, but not always. Meanwhile, the creditor calls and letters will keep coming in.
- Family infighting. Many people are surprised how much peace Dad had kept in the family, but now that the patriarch is gone, decorum can crumble. Estimates are, because of estate issues, about half of all families have significant family fights, often leading to estrangement.
- Unrealistic valuation of assets. What the public will pay for a used household item is often well below what the individual values it at. These mismatches may be caused by sentimental reasons, technology advances, or lack of understanding of the market. It costs money to sell used possessions, and often those costs exceed the market value of the items.
- Out-of-town siblings. The process is more challenging when parts of the immediate family live far away from the parent’s home. The cost of settling estates may now include airline tickets, hotels and time off from work.
These are some of the larger issues that are so common when settling an estate. The best advice? Get help; don’t try to shoulder it all by yourself.
Brian Sroub owns the Aurora-based Operation Relo which develops and executes elderhood plans for legal, medical, financial, relocation, real estate and other senior move and downsizing issues. 877-678 – RELO (7356), [email protected] and operationrelo.com.
