Aging and Life Enhancement
By Kathryn Kilpatrick, M.A.
I like to encourage people to realize that any action is a good action if it’s proactive and there is positive intent behind it.
~Michael J. Fox
The holidays are approaching quickly. Time to organize, clean, shop, travel, cook, bake and gather together. Sharing special occasions with loved ones who are older and experiencing some changes in their capabilities requires some increased awareness on the part of families, friends and caregivers. Often, it requires making some necessary modifications so that you can better enjoy the memories of time spent together.
When a person has physical limitations or challenges, hearing or memory changes coupled with reduced endurance, there are many reasons why situations that are part of their life can become potential concerns. When the impairments are mild, the need may not seem as obvious until something happens that triggers a definite concern, a difficult behavior or an unsafe situation.
Recalling a trip to San Francisco where the plan was to meet my mom in the airport, she was traveling from Massachusetts and I came in from Ohio. I was surprised when she showed some concern about finding me at the designated place. I was not fully aware that some things might be changing for her—hearing, memory or something else? She had traveled often, even overseas, BUT was with a church group each time. We had a wonderful time in San Francisco and I didn’t give it another thought because there were no red flags after that.
Years later, instead of driving to Ohio on her own, Mom was visiting a friend in upper New York state then was taking a bus to Buffalo where I would pick her up BUT she was not on the bus! I had no way to reach her or the bus driver back in the day, so they told me to wait for the next bus. I was beyond frantic but thankfully, she was on the next bus. Never said anything to her but putting the pieces together, I felt her hearing probably played a part in that situation. We pursued a hearing evaluation and eventually, she was fitted with hearing aids. Note to Kathy—I would not encourage visits to Ohio any longer unless a family member took Mom to the airport in Boston on a direct flight. Things were changing and thankfully, I picked up on them early.
While a friend or loved one may seem fine, it is often the little changes that may give us a reason to pause and observe more closely.
Safety does not happen by accident. ~Unknown
Here are just a few situations that may need to be modified. When you review them, think about how they might apply to your current situation. It could relate to a small, local event, something taking place out of town, or happening over a period of several days.
Does your loved one…
- Have difficulty planning ahead for company, shopping and preparations? When someone is always the one being counted on to carry out traditions, they may feel obligated. But then it appears like they are dragging their feet or perhaps there is another reason.
- Have trouble sequencing steps for items on the “to-do” list? Along with celebrations may come a multitude of tasks. Jumping from one task to another can be difficult for any of us under the best of circumstances. Special events can cause overload for the older adult facing a variety of changes in their capabilities, especially when they are not obvious or are shared.
- Show unawareness of the safety risks in some out-of-the-ordinary activities? Perhaps a person is trying to do what they always did: Cleaning hard-to-get-to places, cooking, getting things on higher shelves, or using a variety of appliances (especially newer/unfamiliar ones may be more challenging now). When a person has problems with balance, is forgetting or choosing not to use their cane or walker, the risk of falls often increases.
- Get lost when trying to find areas they are familiar with but have not been to recently? With holidays comes travel, even within the local area. The issue of driving safely frequently comes up with older adults, especially when there are hearing, vision and memory problems. Holidays and busy schedules can mean a person is pushing the limit on what, if any, driving is appropriate.
- Mix up days or times of day? Often, schedules are busier with more events and people coming and going at different times. With memory problems, the changes in routine coupled with a lot of activity can present a bigger problem. Sometimes, if confusion is noted, all you will see at first are some personality changes.
- Confused by intrusions? Be sensitive to the changes you may be creating in their environment. With children, pets, toys, gifts, luggage and other items, the environment may feel overwhelming or perhaps there can be hazards that could cause an older adult to trip and fall. Try to create an area that is generally less cluttered, especially if a person has vision challenges and prefers or needs to have everything in its place.
NOTE: If the gathering is in their home, make sure you return things to the place where the older adult had them before. People will certainly want to be helpful, but in an unfamiliar home, things are likely to get put away in a new place or moved to make room for all the company or any overnight guests.
For those with more serious difficulties, physically or cognitively, everyone involved needs to put their heads together to make a plan appropriate for that person to maximize enjoyment, quality interactions, safety and everyone’s peace of mind.
Kindness can transform someone’s darkest moment with a blaze of light.
You’ll never know how much your caring matters.
Make a difference for another today! ~Amy Leigh Mercree
