Aging and Life Enhancement
By Kathryn Kilpatrick, M.A.
“At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities.” ~Jean Houston
Incorporating humor has many positive effects for all of us. Perhaps you have a lot on your mind, aren’t up to par or are irritated about something. Whenever possible, try to do a mood switch or upgrade if you are about to visit a loved one or friend dealing with health concerns, limitations or difficult family dynamics.
I always smile when I recall a visit to the nursing home where a relative’s mother had lived for several years. She often did not recognize the family members when they came to visit. The family felt it was important to be more lighthearted and found ways to interact that made her feel good at a level that was appropriate as her memory was declining and there was occasional confusion.
Bringing a smile to the face of someone can sometimes be the best possible medicine for both of you. What makes you laugh? If you are a caregiver, humor is a great way to reduce some of your stress. When you are less stressed, the little glitches during a visit will not interrupt the time you spend together.
Years ago, when I was doing home health care as a speech-language pathologist, I would play some of my favorite tunes between visits, particularly if I had just left a challenging or frustrating situation. Shifting my energy back to “normal” was important so I could be fully present and supportive when visiting my next patient.
Sharing humor with our aging loved ones who are still mentally sharp can be uplifting. The caveat here is that we must know the person we are “kidding with” well enough to understand what will encourage a smile or laugh without causing hurt feelings. Also important is to consider what they used to enjoy that may now seem to be harder for them to process. Paying attention will allow you to try and make some modifications rather than trying to correct them. It is about meeting them at their level and just that realization can be hard to process in that moment.
While people’s personalities and preferences may change naturally with age, there’s one trait in particular that you might want to keep a close eye on: sense of humor. According to researchers from The University College London, changes in humor might be an early symptom of dementia. One of my patients was referred for therapy because his physician, who knew him well, noted he had lost his sense of humor and was no longer joking around. Many caregivers report that their senior loved ones laugh at inappropriate times, such as when someone is injured or tragedy strikes. They may even begin to tell jokes or stories that are typically considered dark and twisted. With understanding can come the opportunity to make adjustments in the future and alert others who may be visiting from time
“When we allow ourselves to adapt to different situations, life is easier.” ~Catherine Pulsifer
Walking the journey with a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease or a related dementia provides each of us with many opportunities to bring some humor into the visit or even when talking on the phone. If there are hired caregivers, providing them with suggestions and appropriate options often may help make that person more receptive to assistance or create some lighter moments.
One grandson had learned how to do some magic tricks and at least once a week he would perform them for his grandfather at the nursing home. Others learned about the boy’s talents and he usually had an audience for his shows. His grandfather spent a lot of time between the visits bragging about the talents of his personal magician. Other family members who were less comfortable being in a nursing home found that coming for the magic shows eventually helped them to visit on their own more often.
One daughter knew her mom could no longer read books but she could still read aloud. Her daughter would bring in some funny jokes she thought might be appropriate for her mom and had her read them aloud. They decided to put them in a notebook and her mom would often entertain other visitors with her personal joke book. The collection was still growing and some of the other residents would pass along some they found. Eventually a group of them will got together and created a weekly sharing of jokes. Remembering them was not important, just laughter and friendship based on some lightheartedness.
One son found some of his dad’s favorite comic books from childhood and added them to his collection for each birthday. When the grandchildren came to visit, they would often keep busy reading them and these books provided some interesting conversation starters. Find out what tickles a person’s funny bone. Is it a certain comedian, a favorite movie, or a certain late-night TV show host?
Often an older adult no longer has the ability to pull together these resources so see if you can find a way to help them out. One grandmother looked forward to periodic outings with her daughter and granddaughter. They would often go out for lunch then come back to her room and watch a recently released animated movie complete with popcorn or candy. The grandmother’s endurance no longer allowed her to sit in a movie theater, so this suited her well. If she fell asleep, they would let her rest, stop the movie, and then pick up where they left off after her short catnap.
Technology can be a wonderful resource for materials. In my Brain Health programs for senior communities, part of my PowerPoint presentations always include funny videos, especially involving the antics of pets or babies, or activities with a play on words. YouTube videos of comedians from earlier years are often a hit, as well as travel videos. When someone you are visiting has an internet connection, take their vision limitations into consideration when you make your device choices since the screens on cell phones are often too small.
Laughter releases endorphins and may help with issues with pain, anxiety, stress and grief. It can also give a boost to a person’s cognitive functioning with increased engagement. The benefits of laughter, when modified to the appropriate interest and level of functioning, often helps to enhance connections, especially when isolation/loneliness are an issue. It can be an effective stress buster which has significant benefits to your immune system. Whether it is popular music from their earlier years or perhaps old movies/TV shows or even a familiar game, keep it upbeat and avoid things that can be a source of agitation. If a certain choice does not provide some enjoyment, explore other options related to their prior interests.
Be creative. However you decide to incorporate humor, sharing moments of joy can elevate mood and connection… theirs as well as yours.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou
