Aging and Life Enhancement
By Kathryn Kilpatrick, M.A.
I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something… ~Helen Keller
Life-changing things happen all the time to people we care about. Perhaps recent gatherings have brought some concerns to the forefront which need to be addressed, particularly when there is an older adult involved. Their primary caregiver might now be facing some immediate or long-term challenges which might impact the level of supervision or care they had previously provided.
Asking for help may be difficult for some people, so even when you offer support to an overwhelmed caregiver, it can be equally challenging to figure out what might be appropriate. Starting out simple can lead to other ideas once your offer of assistance has been accepted and appreciated.
Years ago, one of my home health care clients was living with her daughter who was overwhelmed since she also cared for several preschoolers in her home for six hours a day. After a discussion with my client and her daughter, I suggested some ideas to try. A friend of the daughter wanted to help out but there was always some resistance from her mother.
After several discussions, the daughter and I created a plan. It started with her friend doing errands such as picking up a few groceries, a prescription, or bringing a favorite snack for the mother. Eventually, the mother became very comfortable and periodically they would watch a favorite soap opera, play some simple card games and even make a salad together for the evening meal.
Great things are done by a series of small things brought together. ~Vincent Van Gogh
LITTLE THINGS MEAN A LOT
Don’t underestimate your offer to help. The simple act of caring expressed to someone facing a challenging time can be life-changing for them.
A caregiver provides hundreds of activities automatically as part of the daily routine. No job is of too little significance. How helpful it would be if someone could chip in and provide a little relief while freeing up some much-needed time for the caregiver.
Where to begin, what needs to be a priority for safety and well-being, and the best way to introduce assistance will vary from one situation to another.
Things to consider as you work together to make a preliminary plan:
- Have the caregiver and/or the care receiver come up with a wish list.
- Share what you are willing to help with, including quick, routine things that can done in a short amount of time while visiting or running errands.
Start out with a mini-plan. The needs may be many and working with members of a care receiver’s family or support system to determine a plan requires exploring not only the options but the care receiver’s willingness.
No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of another. ~Charles Dickens
BECAUSE YOU CARE
There are many ways to offer assistance, depending on the circumstances. Planning should work around the receiver’s time constraints so as not to interfere with their daily routine or cause confusion. Create a list of care needs and discuss with the volunteer what activity/chore works best for them.
NOTE: Fun and lighthearted activities of interest can be mood boosters. Often, family members will eventually get involved and it gives them ideas of future activities to offer.
- Be consistent with your caring
- Place yourself in their position
- Even if you have scheduled a specific time to visit, call ahead to confirm in case something has changed in their circumstances or schedule.
Some examples:
- Quick Jobs – water plants, feed/walk pets, run/empty dishwasher, etc.
- Household chores – arrange appointments for repairs, do basic mending, wash-dry-fold clothes, etc.
- Exterior projects – clean up yard, mow lawn, sweep sidewalk, water lawn/garden, etc.
- Errands – groceries, prescriptions, return an item, take pet to groomer, put gas in the car, take car for an oil change, etc.
- Transportation – go for a ride on a nice day, drive children to a practice or a friend’s house, pick up someone from the airport, etc.
- Food – Prepare a meal, dessert or a favorite snack, assist with meal prep, etc.
- Personal care – Wash and/or style hair; give a manicure, foot massage, back rub, etc.
- General support – Call frequently to see if there is anything needed, but do not stay on the phone too long unless they want someone to talk to. Read to the older adult, listen to oldies and sing along, watch old TV show or movie favorites, etc.
Sometimes a good beginning is just being present while offering encouragement; perhaps holding a hand, offering a hug, watching a show, working on a puzzle, or playing a game together.
Because you care, focus on being a good listener or being more observant to better understand the bigger picture. Asking permission, listening attentively, and respecting boundaries can enhance your interactions.
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. ~Aesop
