In It for Life: Maximizing Longevity
By Tim Lybarger
No, grandparenting isn’t new. That’s for sure. But in many ways, it’s not like it was before, or ever will be again.
The pandemic redefined the role for many elders in the “substitute parenting” of their grandchildren. Relationships between all family members have been stress-tested to the extreme with both good, and maybe not-so-good results.
For us, when the schools shut down and remote learning became a mind-spinning norm for our first-grade grandson, my wife was called in to be the student monitor three days a week. Oh, and to add to the excitement, the three-year-old grandson needed tending to at the same time.
Frustrations flourished all around as the not-so-focused student struggled with his laptop skills and keeping up with assignments, while online games beckoned his attention. Really? Six-year-olds are using technology that even adults may find challenging! It made us both incredulous and awe-inspired at the same time.
The young one spun chaos in the family room as he tested his creativity with every toy he could extract from the basement. It looked like a miniature version of those tragic towns that have been devastated by tornadoes. Only this tornado hit three days per week, right on schedule. Thank the stars he still maintained a two-hour nap routine!
My wife was the front-line hero, struggling to hold all the pieces together while I sheltered in my upstairs office, trying to get some work done. Yes, I would jump in when the chaos reached a certain threshold. But the overall feeling was, “Hey, this isn’t what I signed up for.”
The storm has passed now, for the time being. But the relationships have taken on a different flavor. As grandparents, we are no longer just the joyful source of special indulgences. The kids have now experienced a harsher, more disciplinarian side. And, their parents occasionally offer a sideways glance of subtle disapproval towards the parts of our new grandparenting tactics that differ from their own preferences.
Still, the special bonds hold tight. Love abides all the way around. If anything, the more realistic parts of loving each other have been forced to the surface.
My encouragement to all who can relate to having to “step into the breach” when times get tough for the generations who follow us, is that our responsibilities as parents and grandparents are not something we can afford put on the shelf to retrieve at our convenience. When the ones we love need help, by virtue of possessing more discretionary time, we may be in a unique position to help, even if it saps our patience and energy to the bone.
One thing for sure, the memories of those times will never go away and they will provide fodder for stories to share at family gatherings for years to come!
