Aging
A Key Decision
When a Loved One Shouldn’t Drive
By Paris Wolfe
The unexplained scratches and dents on Grandpa’s beige Crown Victoria made it obvious the time had come for him to give up driving. But he didn’t want to part with his independence and control. He resisted until back pain kept him from the steering wheel.
Grounding an adult isn’t easy. And with a large aging population — more than 2 million licensed drivers 85 years old and over — an increasing number of caretakers are facing that task.
A Decision with Dignity
“Chronological age isn’t a predictor of driving ability,” says Lori Cook, safety adviser for AAA East Central. “You don’t reach a magic age and stop. What counts is performance, physical and mental. I’ve seen people drive into their 90s.”
Many folks, she says, are self-regulating when they perceive diminished ability. “As we get older and wiser, we realize that speeding doesn’t get us anywhere faster,” Cook says. Other adaptations she sees are driving only during daylight as well as avoiding bad weather, heavy traffic and freeways.
“It’s not innate that people will know when to stop,” says Anne Vanderbilt, CNS, CNP, a clinical nurse specialist with the Cleveland Clinic Department of Geriatric Medicine. “Driving is complex because it’s so much of our independence and identity and autonomy.”
Signs that it’s time to minimize or stop driving include:
- Experiencing frequent minor accidents or near misses
- Being honked at frequently for being too slow or taking too long to turn
- Having difficulty reading ordinary road signs
- Being spoken to about your driving by the police, family or friends
- Getting lost on familiar roads
An eye exam and new glasses or a wide-angled rear view mirror might help. But if dementia requires a GPS to navigate everyday destinations, it’s time to surrender the keys, Cook says.
There’s no shame in surrender. The Centers for Disease Control predicts we will outlive ability to drive by six to 10 years. Knowing that, “mindful planning” is in order, Vanderbilt says.
That means considering how the “grounded person” will get everywhere — grocery shopping, doctors, church and entertainment. One solution is to live near good public transportation or senior services, or relying on church and community volunteers for help. Research home delivery for prescription medicines, groceries or meals before discussing your concerns with an aging loved one.
A Process, Not a Deadline
“The conversation is not about age at all. It should be about mobility, independence and safety,” says Becky Turpin, director of home and community for the National Safety Council in Itasca, Illinois. “The main topic isn’t ‘take the keys away.’ Let our older adults age with dignity and respect.”
A family member may not always be the best person to broach the topic. A physician, clergy member or a family friend might be called in to help with the discussion, she says.
Be open and factual. Point out deficits and acknowledge problems such as dents in the car.
“This conversation is a process, not a deadline,” Vanderbilt says. “If you need to engage your doctor, give them a heads up with a message or phone call. We have even written on prescription pads or written letters where the doctor says ‘Do not drive.’ It can help someone accept the limitation.”
Paris Wolfe used this story to talk to her mom about giving up the keys some day.
