CAREGIVER CORNER
Tackling Tough Talks; A Better Way
Most of us have had, or need to have, conversations with an older loved one, family member or friend about difficult topics.
Money, health changes (either physical or mental) and driving are a few topics nobody wants to bring up. Add hearing loss and memory challenges to the mix and those conversations can become even more difficult.
Ignoring issues does not make them go away; the longer we wait to discuss difficult topics, the more difficult the conversations can become.
If you’re preparing to have a tough conversation with an older adult, take into account their personality, communication style and the topics that may or may not be important to them.
Other considerations include:
Location – Be aware of your surroundings before starting a difficult conversation. For instance, are you in public, at the doctor’s office, in front of other people, or at the dinner table?
Timing – As we age, our ability to multitask can change; we tend to focus on the task at hand. Is the person watching a favorite program, getting ready for an appointment, waiting for a family member to stop by, or not feeling well that day? Talking about difficult subjects can be more productive and meaningful when timed correctly.
Listen – Conversations are a two-way street. We often spend most of our time formulating a response instead of devoting our attention to what someone is saying. Tune in to their words to understand their point of view. This may help to find the middle ground.
Take a Timeout – Despite your best intentions, conversations don’t always go smoothly. Take a break if the discussion becomes heated, then return to the conversation when the situation gets calmer. During the timeout, take a walk, meditate or listen to music.
Work Together – A conversation allows the older adult to hear your concerns. The goal is to satisfy both people, a process that often takes many discussions.
End a Difficult Conversation – Sometimes conversations do not go smoothly. When that happens, it may be best to end the discussion and resume it later with another approach. One of the best ways to end a difficult conversation is by agreeing to disagree. You both may not agree, but you’re not going to argue or be upset with each other.
Difficult conversations are different for everyone. Always enter the conversation with open ears and understand that sometimes a resolution won’t be reached in one conversation. Be respectful in every way possible when raising sensitive issues with older adults.
