Rut Busters – Ready, Set, Go Meet That Goal

Rut Busters – Ready, Set, Go Meet That Goal

Life is a river, and we’re all in it together. Some people float merrily along with the current. Others get stuck in motionless eddies, and yet others find themselves in rough rapids, fighting to stay upright.

It’s only those who assess their current position while keeping an eye on the obstacles or preferred tributaries ahead who can successfully use their paddles to choose a new direction.

That’s how clinical psychologist Dr. Mary Malek illustrates the way people handle trauma (defined as “anything unexpected”) in their lives. From her practice in Twinsburg, she specializes in helping clients “cope with the challenges of life, transform relationships, achieve personal goals and gain a sense of hope for the future.”

GET READY

Malek recognizes that the period after midlife is inherently traumatic. Children grow up, become independent and leave home; the work environment forces us to adapt or move on; relationships can stagnate; and the physical body ages, offering up unwelcome wrinkles, weaknesses and possible illness. All of this can be summed up in one word: pain. Pain forces us to either give in to the power of life’s current or to seize the opportunity to set new goals and to experience a new season of fulfillment.

“Pain gets a bad rap. It’s the single biggest motivator for change,” Malek says. “We’re wired to be stubborn and stick with old patterns long after they have outlived their usefulness. We need to listen to our pain. It’s telling us to change direction.”

GET SET

When we get to the point of acute pain, we need to stop pretending we can muddle through all alone. “Humble yourself enough to ask for help,” Malek advises. “You don’t have to be such a rugged individualist; community matters. We all need someone to come alongside us as we go through life. We need face-to-face human contact with family, friends and counselors for constructive feedback.”

Also, face reality. This is a necessary step toward change because if you can’t accept where you are right now, you can’t move toward the place where you want to go.

“Acceptance of your current state is mandatory before you can start the process of transformation,” Malek says. “Acceptance does not signify you’re OK with the status quo. It’s simply a recognition of truth that serves as a starting point.”

GET A GOAL

Now that you recognize you’re at a fork in the river and you must change direction, it’s time to set new goals. But don’t waste your time with far-
out fantasies or unreachable objectives. Stay realistic with the SMART approach: Goals should be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely, she says.

In other words, what small step can you take today? What favor can you do for yourself right now? If your goal is to lose 30 pounds, right now you can snack on carrot sticks instead of a candy bar. If your objective is to quit smoking, you can smoke one fewer cigarette today and two fewer tomorrow.

Life is cumulative, Malek says. “We live under the weight of consequences from our previous behavior. So start behaving today in the way you want to become. Every decision matters. Even your attitude is a choice. So set your intentions. Life either happens to you or you’ll put your paddle in the water and determine where you go.”

Today — thanks to modern life expectancy rates in the U.S. — we can have an entire lifetime following midlife. Since we’re living longer, we shouldn’t take it lying down.

“If you’re content to let life happen to you, that’s your choice,” Malek says. “Just know that there will be consequences. Living a life without intention means you have no stake in the direction your life takes. If you have no role in navigating where you wind up, you won’t have a sense of meaning in your life.”

It’s truly never too late to change for the better, Malek says. The process of transformation is actually more life-changing than achieving the ultimate goal because you become stronger, happier and more capable along the way.

Control the consequences while navigating the river of life. Dig your paddle deep and steer your boat in the direction you want to go.

About the author

A Portage County resident, Estelle has been writing for Mitchell Media since 2016. She now serves as digital/associate editor of Northeast Ohio Thrive magazine. Her curiosity drives her interest in a wide array of writing topics and secures her enduring commitment to lifelong learning. She can be reached at [email protected].

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