CAREGIVER CORNER
I have had a very good friend for a long time, and I’m in awe of her.
A full-time caregiver for her mother, she works part-time, has interests she maintains, and many genuine friendships—not acquaintances—true friends. She makes connections and invests in her friendships.
Missing
Making friends as we get older is not easy for many of us. Friendship after retirement and even in mid-life is challenging, studies show. We assume friendships should grow naturally, but typically, they don’t. Particularly in our later years, when we often lose friends—to death, illness, or moving away—we need to be intentional about making new ones.
Friendships and strong social networks reduce the risk of early death by about 45 percent, according to many studies. By contrast, social isolation and loneliness are linked to a higher risk of dementia, heart disease, depression, and other mental and physical ailments. Research indicates that loneliness is as much of a health risk as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or excessive drinking.
Older people have a significant advantage over people in midlife: time. With children, jobs, aging parents and more, who has time to make friends? Connecting with new people can be relatively easy as we get older IF we’re willing to try. Here are ways to do it:
- Decide you want to make new friends. Acknowledging that you’re ready to make a change is the first step.
- Be intentional. Make an effort to show up, reach out and interact with others.
- Look for activities and groups that meet regularly. Friendships take time to cultivate. Groups provide an opportunity to get to know people.
- People will like you; it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you are likable (and you are!) you will behave in a warmer and friendlier way.
- Be the friend. Notice if someone needs assistance, and then offer it: a ride to the airport, or a meal after surgery. Helpfulness, support and compassion rank high among the qualities people look for in a friend.
- Don’t go looking for a best friend. It is a gift to have one special friend, someone with whom you can share your deepest feelings, and perhaps you have had that person but no longer do. Enjoy people for who they are and for what you can learn from them. You may develop a genuine and lasting friendship.
- Let others know you enjoy their company and what you like about them. We tend to like those whom we feel like us.
- Think outside of the box. Try to make friends with people of different ages; you can learn from each other. Younger friends, for example, may be handy with technology.
- Consider friendships with neighbors and acquaintances. Take time to have a meaningful conversation. Share something about yourself and ask about them.
- Be bold and ask if you can join in an activity with a group of people. You may be surprised how often people will welcome you, even after you’ve typically declined their invitations.
My good friend does many of the above things. She is the initiator and promoter of her friendships. She reaches out to people and ends up making connections that evolve into friendships.
As we age, friends can help each other in many ways: from getting through life’s challenges and losses to providing us with joy and happiness. It’s an effort worth making.
