Lucy and Ethel. Thelma and Louise. Oprah and Gayle.
Girlfriends. They’re celebrated in pop culture but can be elusive in our own lives, especially as we age. When the kids leave home or we leave our jobs, we can lose those convenient and easy friendships that emerged from our more transitory, midlife stage.
That’s the bad news. The good news is that, by the time we reach our 60s, we’ve evolved to authentic versions of ourselves. We’re who we are, not who we may become.
Friendships and good health have strong ties. A study of 3,000 older adults published by the National Center for Biotechnology Information found direct links between making new friends and improved physical and mental well-being. But as with all things, men and women approach friendship in different ways. Men tend to prefer socializing in groups; women one-on-one, for example. The NCBI study also showed that women had higher expectations of friends than men.
Many of us are running low in the girlfriend department. So we reached out to Boomer contributor Traci McBride to write about female friendships. She has made a career out of working with women and put together this information from the books listed below, workshops and personal experience. — Marie Elium, editor
By Traci McBride
Friendships enrich our lives in countless ways. Having upbeat, positive cheerleaders on your side is good for your mental and physical health; they’re the gifts that keep on giving.
Think back to your childhood. Did you have that one girlfriend who made you feel unique and heard? A friend that defended you and took your side when things weren’t going great? Later, did you have that type of friend while also working and building your career? Have some of these people followed you throughout your life? Nurturing and prioritizing these special girlfriends is the essential key to happiness.
At different stages of life, you build friendships: while building careers, raising kids, or making lives with your partners, did you find one or two people who celebrated you, no matter what? At every stage of life, these key relationships can shift in depth. Getting to know a new friend is worth the time and effort.
Different Stages, Different Friends
Visualize a target. The bullseye is where your very closest and most trustworthy friend is; the next ring out would be a close friend, the next ring could be someone you are getting to know, and the next ring is a new acquaintance. People could move closer to the bullseye over time. Along the way to building your circle of friends, sharing activities is essential as you learn more about each other’s compatibility and the depth of friendship deepens.
Building a handful of deep relationships is the most enriching way to walk through life, and it’s never too late to make more. Friends come and go throughout your life for many reasons. Understanding what ingredients make up a good friend and the red flags to avoid can support you in creating friendships into retirement when life shifts again.
Be a Great Friend to Get a Great Friend:
- Keep an open mind to beliefs and avoid judging in good and challenging times
- Be 100% present and in the moment
- Empathize and seek to understand their difficulties & celebrate their successes
- Share experiences and be involved in each other’s lives
- Show gratitude for their friendship. Verbalize it and demonstrate it with a card or text.
- Be trustworthy with their secrets and personal information
- Support them in reaching personal goals and be their cheerleader
- Apologize when needed
Red Flags in Friendships:
- They only call when they want something
- They talk about you behind your back
- They make every conversation or situation all about them
- They expect you to do all the work by traveling closer to them or choosing the activity
- They put you down or make fun of you
- You feel emotionally drained or bad about yourself after being with them
- They create drama
- They often bail on you
- They aren’t happy for you when good things happen
Girls Just want to Have Fun
Spend Time Together
- High Tea/Lunch:
- Book Clubs
search at your local library and community center
Fun Stuff
Glass Blowing
Hikes & Biking
Crafting Classes
Read All About It
- “Friendship Isn’t a Big Thing; It’s a Million Little Things” by Becca Anderson (female friendships)
- “Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World” by Jennie Allen
- “We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships” by Kat Vellos
