In It for Life: Maximizing Longevity
By Tim Lybarger
What would we see if we could look into the worlds of others?
What new possibilities would open up for us?
– Barry Oshry, Seeing Systems
Making Stereotypes
This past week, I attended an association conference. It was a renewing experience to be in a large room with 400 other attendees, despite lingering anxieties about COVID exposure.
As I selected the breakout groups I would attend throughout the day, one in particular caught my attention – “Generational Change in Your Company.” As an advocate for age 50+ workers, this seemed to be right on target.
I should have seen it coming. The facilitators immediately pulled up the same old framework that breaks us into age-bracketed categories. Here were “The Silents,” “Boomers,” “Millennials,” “Gen Xers,” “Gen Ys”and “Gen Zers” – all with their neatly packaged descriptors and unique generational viewpoints on the world. Then, of course, there was a quick “raise-your-hand” polling to find out how many of each group were in the room.
What followed was discussion to seek validation for the descriptors; “How many of you in this generation relate to these characteristics?”
Here’s the interesting part: for the most part, the neatly researched and packaged characteristics did not line up with what the 75+ people in the room saw to be true for themselves.
What did seem to be true were two other factors: The way we see the world relates more to our preferred thinking styles and to the specific challenges that are more relevant to our current age — not our generation.
The Danger: “We are Better Than Them”
In my experience, when folks are put into boxes, as was the case here, there is always a subtle but powerful undertone of comparison that places “our group” in superior position to “their group.” It usually comes out with a humorous slant: “What’s wrong with young people today, anyway?” But, as categorization invites comparison, it is human nature to elevate one’s own group above others. And, when we label them deficient, then we can treat them differently – less well – than we treat members of our own group.
Seeing Systems
My current awareness of this grew out of my re-reading a classic on Organizational Behavior: “Seeing Systems“ by Barry Oshry published way back in 1995. To cut to the quick, his point is that without seeing and appreciating the histories, experiences and feelings of “others,” we personalize their differences and turn them into “lessers,” undeserving of the privileges we ourselves enjoy.
How Does This Relate to Aging?
Simple. Aging has the potential of bringing on isolation and cynicism. We can too easily find ourselves glued to the television, joining the news station chorus on bemoaning the state of world affairs, because of what that other group is doing that is not right, by our own group’s definition.
That’s a hard way to live out what’s left.
How we relate with others is a choice. My personal choice is just this. I don’t do Us and Them-ism anymore. When it arises in conversation, as it will many times a day, I will not partake unless it is something that takes me to a closer understanding of the history, experiences and feelings of “the other.”
I personally choose connection and understanding over cynicism and isolation.
You?
