We all have things that scare us.
Fear is a basic instinct that helps keep us alive. It’s typically linked with anxiety, and although both are critical to our well-being, neither are emotions we typically look forward to experiencing.
Adults usually have mature reasoning and healthy coping skills to determine if our fears are a realistic threat to our well-being. But what about children?
Handling Fear
Part of being a caregiver to children is understanding where kids are developmentally at varying ages, emotionally and intellectually, so we can then grasp how their brains process information.
Before age 11, children usually haven’t had enough life experiences and/or brain development to think in abstract terms the way adults can. Kids ages 7-11 are just beginning to think in concrete, logical terms and consider others’ perspectives.
Children ages 2-7 use symbolic thought to solve problems. They aren’t capable of most logical thought and don’t understand someone else’s point of view.
So how do we help? It’s important to validate their fear and not try to rationalize it away. Talking about it teaches healthy emotional expression. They partly learn to manage emotions on the reactions they’ve experienced when showing their emotions.
Children become better at soothing fears when parents give them support and guidance during highly emotional experiences. Talking about how they’re feeling helps them to know emotions are a normal part of our human existence.
Children who are around adults who most often express positive emotions have been shown to be able to control their emotions better than children who are subject to mostly negative expressions. Most kids look to adults for how they react to circumstances and mirror these responses.
What are They Watching?
Another way to help is to take responsibility for what kids are exposed to through the media. Screen time has increased substantially and exposure to media with inappropriate age content is a major source of fear and anxiety in children.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends parents limit screen time for children and teens and encourages parents to co-view and monitor what they watch to ensure age appropriateness. Media ratings are based, in part, on how a child’s brain processes information. Parental involvement reduces kids’ stress, studies show.
When something scares them, preschoolers may be comforted with a favorite blanket or toy. Eating or drinking something is helpful for children of all ages.
When things are calm, teach kids slow, healthy belly breaths and use those during stressful or fearful times. Practice belly breathing by blowing bubbles, blowing up balloons or singing.
If you have someone in your life who’s fearful because of a past trauma such a dog bite, severe weather or violence and you’re struggling to help them, I encourage you to make an appointment with a professional who specializes in childhood trauma.
Judith Macek is a licensed professional clinical counselor in Portage County who works with all ages and diagnoses, specializing in anxiety, depression and grief counseling. To reach her, call 330-398-5000.
