We all know someone who’s taken a second (or third) trip down the aisle or through a courthouse door to marry later in life. It’s a big step — and an exciting one, too — but it’s very different from marrying for the first time at a younger age.
After decades of a prior marriage or living alone, over-50 couples bring together homes filled with belongings and all the memories attached to them. Combining two households into one is a substantial and complicated exercise that cements the union, both emotionally and tangibly.
Lots of Stuff
To avoid spoiling this life-changing occasion with awkward situations, here are tools to use so you can cruise through the new waters and enjoy the process while strengthening your communication style together.
The first decision to navigate is where to live. Mine, yours or ours? Is it best to sell both homes and purchase one together? Of course, the financials need a deep dive, and having a financial planner involved is a vital piece to the puzzle.
Be transparent about your feelings. For example, if you don’t want to move into your new spouse’s home because they raised their kids with a different spouse and making changes to that home could trigger hard feelings, share that.
START HERE
Letting Go is Worth It: (do this solo in the first round)
Your primary goals: Identify Duplicates | Deal with Clutter | Compromise | Decide Together
Step 1: Begin doing this independently in each home. Be laser-focused on all items you’ve accumulated over the decades — dishware, clothing, collectibles. Consider how much you use or need. Create labeled boxes: Use Daily| Never | Duplicate | Holiday Use | Sentimental
Step 2: Review the large items in each home: Beds, dressers, tables, couches. Consider condition, style, size and floor plan. Place stickers on these items using a color code: Sell | Donate | Offer to Family | Keep Now to Review Together| Non-Negotiable
Step 3: Use your smartphone to organize all the colors, furniture fabrics, curtains, etc., to see how existing items might work together.
Step 4: Choose new things together.
Step 5: Get rid of things.
Garage sales are not for the faint of heart so consider the time and effort. If you choose to go this route, make a pact that anything not sold goes immediately to your local charity.
TIP: Avoid renting a storage unit. Only rent for a short period of time if absolutely necessary.
Sell, Consign or Donate?
Facebook Marketplace works when selling directly from your house, so you don’t need to move items.
If this all sounds too daunting, you can hire a support service that handles everything for you. These two local businesses offer downsizing, moving, estate cleanouts and more:
Many professional organizers offer unique services that can take all the burden off your shoulders. They have resources to help you. Find them at NAPO-Ohio.com.
Donate (many will pick up furniture)
- Volunteers of America VOAohin.org
- AMVETS.org
- Habitat.org
- Feelgreatdonate.org
Consign
- ItsSoYouBoutique.com – Willoughby
- ChelseasConsignments.com – Westlake
Combining Styles
Make a floor plan with a reusable home planner (amazon.com)
This tool can answer so many questions. Knowing how much space you have for furniture will help you make decisions to let stuff go. Seeing the floor plan will clarify what furniture will work best.
Do this step together when you are both relaxed. Make this fun; dreaming and visualizing your home together is an exciting time in your relationship. You may decide to purchase new items that work better for both of you in styles and colors that best reflect your new journey together.
It is after this exercise that the tweaking of style will begin to emerge. You’re creating an aesthetic that is cohesive and expresses your new life together. Your agreed-upon color palette will support your new home’s mood and how you both feel in it. It’s important that your home represents both of you to make it a comforting and comfortable haven.
- Consider function (first), form, and formality
- Paint open spaces in one neutral color so spaces flow
- 80/20 Rule: 80% of room design to one style (furniture/tables) and 20% is more of background style (art/accessories/drapes) when merging different styles.
- Update and restyle with DIY projects you accomplish together.
Sold!
Our area, and nearly the rest of the country, is in a seller’s market with listings often receiving multiple offers. Still, don’t assume that decluttering, repairing and updating aren’t necessary. Today’s buyers want a turnkey, easy, move-in home. If your house needs major updates, the offers will reflect that.
Professional stagers are worth their weight in gold. When selling, less is more. Show off the best assets with only necessary furniture; remove the rest. Experts will advise on what current colors and changes will maximize more significant offers.
Don’t underestimate the curb appeal. Both a real estate agent and stager will advise you on what to do.
Local Pros Say:
“Consider having zones where each of you can express your creativity, display your collections and enjoy your style of decorating. Compromise is the name of the game in relationships and when editing stuff.”
-Professional Organizer Lynne Poulton of Wholly-Organized.com
Reframe questions when communicating with your new-to-be spouse.
- Use “I” statements vs. “You” statements to avoid accusations
- Avoid interrupting your partner; their voice needs to be heard (use a talking stick if it’s difficult)
- Create a perimeter of time when discussing heavier topics; one hour should suffice.
- Respect your partner when they are unable to give answers. If one requires a break, then agree to a 20-30 minute breather.
- Attend premarital counseling
-Lana Amawi, MSSA Clinical Therapist & Educator lanaamawicoaching.com
Northeast Ohio Life Stylist Traci McBride of TeeMcBee Style Consulting teaches style in closets and now with Zhooshing SPACES in homes. Personalized for you at every life stage, you can love where you live. Zspaces.teemcbee.com
