Despondent is a word I am hearing a lot recently, either when working with clients or talking with family and friends. Understandably so; COVID-19 has turned our life, community, country, and the world, as we’ve known it, upside down, leaving many feeling discouraged, hopeless, lonely, oppressed or melancholy. Whatever words you choose, what many are feeling falls under the guise of grief and loss.
Freedom at a Cost
Sadness, anger, denial, yearning, acceptance and bargaining are all common emotions when grieving. It’s also natural for them to be experienced multiple times throughout the day, yet grief can be confusing when it’s not in relation to death. {This article addresses grief and loss not related to death. It is not meant to minimize the loss of life caused by COVID-19. If you have suffered the loss of someone you love and are seeking articles referencing grief, please refer to the article on grief in the Jan/Feb 2020 issue.}
Regardless of whether it can be rationalized, life has changed and all are experiencing various forms of loss. Even those who continue to work and keep up with relationships through use of technology are susceptible during this pandemic. The main contributors to our grief are the loss of freedom and our sense of security.
Prior to this pandemic, it wouldn’t have been uncommon to hear someone wishing for more free time, maybe to finish projects or to be home more. We’ve heard, “Be careful what you wish for.” I’m not saying anyone “wished” this into existence, or that it’s a punishment for wanting more free time, but it is a good example of the fragile complexity of the human psyche.
It’s tough being satisfied when the free time happens under sub-par circumstances, and “free time” allotted under the umbrella of a pandemic is sub-par. We’re accustomed to the privilege of choosing what, when, where and how we do things. Social distancing and stay-at-home orders have dramatically changed our choices and we’re not sure for how long.
The brain usually does not do well with “not sure.” One of the brain’s jobs is to solve problems, and some problems cannot be solved, at least not in the immediate future. Our mind might begin to equate loss of freedoms to loss of control, and the loss of security to fear. Both lead to anxiety and sadness.
Now What?
Remember, you have control over your thoughts. If you feel increased negativity, sadness, or anxiety after watching the news, limit your time viewing only credible sources like Governor Mike DeWine’s daily news conferences or government information-centered sites. You might also limit news exposure to once a day.
Let this be an opportunity for anxiety to benefit you. Healthy anxiety levels help us perform optimally. In the case of the coronavirus, anxiety may make you mindful of preventative measures such as washing your hands, sanitizing surfaces and keeping safe distances. Taking appropriate precautionary measures can restore a sense of control and decrease unhealthy anxiety levels.
Use anxiety to motivate yourself to get outdoors. Exercise positively affects our mental wellness through increased production of chemicals such as serotonin and dopamine that help us feel good. Northeast Ohio’s weather doesn’t cooperate sometimes, so dress appropriately when you go out to take advantage of our many parks and trails.
Writing can be cathartic, so consider journaling your COVID-19 experience. This can be done for your eyes only, or the possibility of benefiting future generations as they go through a similar experience. A personal account for others can help them normalize their feelings.
Remember to extend grace, not only to yourself, but also to others. Loss of any type requires change and getting used to the new normal. We are social beings, and most are grieving over the time not spent together. Even though we’re doing this to help keep each other healthy, it feels unnatural and can still cause mental anguish.
If you feel you need to speak with a professional, counselors are available and taking new clients. Due to the extending circumstances, most sessions are being held through various modems such as Zoom, Skype, FaceTime or phone.
We will get through this together, six feet apart.
