For the Traci Clan, grandparenting is a long-distance affair, but it’s a close one despite the miles between them.
Candyce Traci – “Candy-Gram” — and her husband Dan are mastering the bittersweet challenge of grandparenting from afar. Their three young grandchildren live in the New York City area.
The Tracis use frequent visits — often outside of birthdays and holidays — to grab relaxing but no less special time with the kids. FaceTime over the cellphone brings an instant connection between 3-year-old June, 2-year-old Ryker and 1-year-old Rose, and Candy-Gram and Grandpa Traci.
The Tracis are familiar faces around Northeast Ohio. Dan is president and owner of All Media Design Group in Westlake, a full-service advertising agency. Candyce is vice president of event marketing and promotions at the company. Accounts include Berea’s National Rib Cook-Off, the Cuyahoga County Fair and Cleveland Oktoberfest.
Because they are major league Cleveland sports fans, they attend as many Cavaliers, Indians and Browns games as possible. Dan is the official stats guy in in the press box with Jimmy Donovan and Doug Dieken on Browns game days. Candyce is an enthusiastic fan. Their work and interests keep them busy here in Northeast Ohio, but their attention is pulled to New York.
“I am surrounded by children, but the children I love the most are the grandchildren,” Candyce says.
Nationwide, 10 percent of grandparents live with a grandchild, according to U.S. Census Bureau figures. For the Traci clan and thousands of other grandparents throughout Northeast Ohio, grandparenting takes considerably more effort, aided by laptops and cellphones — think of it as “cyber grandparenting.”
Strong Bonds, Strong Family
“With their being in New York area, I take any chance I get to get to see them,” Candyce says. “I am so very thankful for this digital age for all the electronic gadgets that help me keep in touch. The telephone, computer, Instagram, but most especially FaceTime works best for keeping in touch, hearing their voices, seeing their faces.”
Photos are important in the Traci family.
“I am a self-professed photoholic, so this family is fully aware there are going to be plenty of pictures taken when we all get together,” Candyce says. “While everyone grumbles when it’s photo time, all enjoy the photos taken that I still lovingly scrapbook.”
Their time together, and making connections long distance, bring a deeper richness to an already full life.
“What I have learned from being a grandparent is that you can come home from a busy day or busy week and you sit down and FaceTime with them, and all the craziness of your life just doesn’t seem to matter anymore,” Candyce says.
“Their growth, the chatter, their giggles are all a grandmother needs. I take no moment in my life for granted and most especially family time, which means so much to the Traci clan. Especially because they are further away, you must treasure every moment. Our oldest son’s greatest compliment to me is that the thing they loved best about me is how much I love my family.”
Early Connections that Last
Pierre Van Hauwaert of Richmond Heights developed a close bond with his grandson Leo because they lived together in Brussels, Belgium, for three years right after Leo was born.
Pierre nurtured their relationship with yearly visits and frequent phone calls after he moved to the United States while Leo and his parents moved to the Comoro Islands off the southeast coast of Africa.
Over the last two decades as technology improved, they were able to stay in closer contact. Leo moved to the United States for an internship in Painesville that Pierre helped him find. They saw each other daily for almost a year.
When Leo moved back to Switzerland, Leo continued to ask for — and get — career advice from his grandfather via Skype or weekly phone calls.
“I became closer to him than I did my kids because it’s easier to be the grandfather rather than the father,” Pierre says.
“I try to guide him from time to time to provide grandfatherly wisdom, which is free,” he says.
Everyone Wins
Children who have healthy, close relationships with grandparents — regardless of distance — and appreciation for their family story and history, usually find a sympathetic listener and generally are confident relating to people of all ages, according to hundreds of studies about the importance of the grandchild/grandparent relationship.
We know it’s good for the kids, but what’s in it for us?
Grandparents say they feel a “joyful freedom” in their new role. They don’t feel the pressure they felt as parents. There’s a saying that a mother truly becomes a grandmother the day she stops noticing all the terrible things her children do because she’s so enchanted with all the wonderful things her grandchildren do.
“As a grandparent, you get all the benefits and joys of parenthood without many of the drawbacks,” Susan V. Bosak says in her book, “How to Build the Grandma Connection.”
She continues, “Grandparents and grandchildren fulfill the role of student and teacher for each other, and it’s not always the older person who does the teaching. Children like to feel needed, and they can teach their grandparents lots of things. Grandchildren also help you see the world anew again, through a child’s eyes. The relationship can fulfill our need for immortality.”
Connect
Technology is a handy tool for connecting with grandkids, but don’t forget about old-fashioned tried-and-true methods, too.
Here are ways to get started:
Download Skype and get a real-time view and talk through your tablet or laptop. Little ones quickly recognize faces and voices. Frequency is key.
For older kids, use your iPhone FaceTime feature for conversations, again putting a face to a voice.
Send text messages to check in with older grandkids. They may not have time for a phone call or to sit down and chat, but they usually respond to a text message.
Quick call on the run? Enjoy it. College kids and Millennials tend to communicate on the fly; they may squeeze in a call while walking to class or on their way to work.
Visit them. Some grandparents have learned that their best visits are during less-hectic times outside of busy birthday and holiday gatherings.
Try sending a note or developing a pen pal relationship with your grandchild. They may enjoy choosing notecards, pens and stamps.
Marie Elium is named after her grandmother, who lived in Pennsylvania and nurtured her love of gardening during frequent summer visits.
