Most students are back in school, now that Labor Day is in the rearview mirror. This is usually when the busyness of the school year, sports and other activities put the family calendar into overdrive. But if you’ve recently dropped a kid off at college, the opposite is true: After years of living with crazy school schedules, your days may seem uncomfortably wide open.
Don’t be surprised if the excitement of launching your kid back to his first, or another year away at college, is replaced with sadness and anxiety, experts say.
It’s to be expected, especially if this is the first time you’ve gone through it, says Adam Borland, PsyD, a psychologist for Cleveland Clinic.
This is a very common experience. It’s difficult because a large part of one’s identity is often defined by their role as a parent, and suddenly there’s this recognition that a significant change is about to occur, he says.
Dr. Borland says the experience is so common, that there’s a nickname for it: empty nest syndrome. So, what can you do to cope with it?
He said, to start, it’s important for parents to acknowledge their feelings and realize that what they’re going through is normal, and to remember they’re still parents at the end of the day. That role isn’t going away just because their child is moving away.
It can also help to have open communication with your child and let them know you’re having a hard time (but don’t go overboard). You don’t want them to feel like they have to manage your emotions.
This is a big step for a college student. They’re likely dealing with their anxiety and stress and fear, and the last thing they need is to also feel as though they are carrying the weight of their parents’ sadness for leaving, says Dr. Borland.
“So, I think it’s really about finding a balance between open communication, but then also the parent processing their feelings separately from their child,” he says.
He adds that parents should look at the positives of their child going away to college. For example, they now have the chance to pick up an old hobby or start a new one, spend more time with friends, or reconnect with their partner.
Other tips from parents who’ve been through it:
- Don’t contact your child; let them contact you. They know when they want to hear from home, and when they don’t.
- A crisis often is cleared up long before you hear about it. Sometimes college students need to vent, and a parent is a safe person to do that with. They rarely want advice, so don’t give it unless they specifically ask for it.
- Plan a vacation or a brief getaway with a friend or your spouse. Don’t sit around and mope.
- Talk to friends or family members who’ve been through it. They’re doing fine; you will, too.
