LEGAL
Family Time: How’s Everyone Doing?
By Meg Pauken
I love the holidays, especially catching up with family members I don’t see often. It’s delightful to hear about the busy lives of college students and newlyweds and to hold the babies. It is also the perfect time to check in on older relatives: parents, aunts, uncles and others.
Talk and Observe
If you pay attention, you can get an idea of how they are doing during a conversation. Here are some key indicators that your older relative may need additional support:
- Observe physical and mental changes. Have they gained or lost weight? Are they having balance issues? Is their hygiene consistent with their normal? Do you see bruises or other signs of falls? Are they able to participate in conversations?
- Ask about doctor appointments. Are they keeping up with physician, dentist and eye doctor appointments? How are they getting there? What about vaccinations? Are they able to pick up prescriptions?
- Socialization. Are they active? Do they see friends and attend religious services? Are they up on current events?
If you see red flags, what should you do? In my experience, approaching the issue with respect and a problem-solving mindset will accomplish more than simply taking charge of the situation. Give them a way to preserve their pride and independence by working with them to find a solution or support.
Ask them:
- Have you thought about who could help you manage your mail and pay your bills when you are unable to do that anymore? Do you have a power of attorney in place?
- Have you started to think about when it will be time to stop driving? Let’s look at other transportation options for your doctor appointments and other errands.
- Health issues are no joke. Do you have health care directives, so that we know what kind of care you want? If you cannot make your own care decisions, who is your health care agent?
- I recently met with an attorney to review my estate planning. Do you have an attorney? Have you had a will or trust set up for yourself?
- Home care is expensive, but we will help you find it if you need it. Did you know that Medicaid can cover some in-home services?
There is a golden window of time when an older person begins to lose memory, but still has the necessary capacity to sign legal documents, like powers of attorney, health care directives, wills and trusts. It is crucial to make sure those things are done before that window closes, because the alternative, if there are no planning documents in place, is usually guardianship.
Those aunts and uncles who doted on you as a child may need your support at this time in their lives. Your parents may be reluctant to ask for help because they don’t want to be a bother. With some observation and an open conversation, you can ease them toward a safer holiday season, and put your mind at ease by helping them set necessary planning in place.
