By Estelle Rodis-Brown
Our family just returned from a week at Lake Michigan. We were tucked away at a remote lakeshore dunescape where my husband’s family has vacationed for five generations.
Nearly untouched by time and technology, it’s a true escape from the frenetic pace of modern life… a place where our shared values over the generations are expressed through repeated traditions that remind the younger generations of our family identity.
We introduced our toddler granddaughter to the wonders of this inheritance and the values we hold dear: family unity; generosity; responsibility; respect for each other, the natural environment and the Creator.
From dune-climbing to fossil-hunting, sharing meals and songs, campfires and stories, we’re reinforcing our family values. These moments are precious since our children and grandchild live out of state. To maintain the ties that bind, we gather together a handful of times each year to pack in meaningful memories.
Whether you live nearby or far away, you hold a special position in your grandchildren’s lives. Especially as they enter teen years and adulthood, members of each new generation sort out their identities and values, often in opposition to their parents. But grandparents can hold unique influence over their beloved grandchildren.
What are They?
“Family values” are commonly defined as the moral and ethical principles traditionally upheld and passed on within a family, such as fidelity, honesty, truth and faith.
We often mistakenly use the term “values” to describe beliefs, choices or preferences, says Ellen M. Perry, founder and Managing Partner of Wealthbridge Partners LLC, a firm specializing in customized family consulting and educational design. For example, a value is spirituality; the preference or choice may be Christianity or Judaism. A value is community service and civic engagement; a preference or belief may be conservatism or liberalism. A value is generosity; a preference is environmental conservation or the arts. While every family has its own set of prioritized values, most fall under broad categories of social (peace, justice, freedom, equality), political (liberal, conservative, moderate), religious (compassion, modesty, respect, sympathy), work (job, finances, education, creativity, teamwork), moral (honesty, courage, tenacity, patience, responsibility), and recreational values (family game night, unstructured play time, hobbies, sports).
What’s at Stake
Staying values-focused helps to nurture a healthy family, generation after generation, says licensed counselor and psychology professor Amy Guertin. Values provide a foundation that supports a family when crises arise, equipping them to stand strong despite inevitable challenges. When grandchildren know they can come to their grandparents for a warm, comforting connection girded by strong values, that increases their combined sense of security and confidence.
The term “family values” can carry religious or political overtones. But at its core, it’s a stabilizing set of guidelines for anyone seeking a moral compass when faced with a dilemma.
What to do when you find a stash of cash in the attic? Should you accept the promotion at the job you hate or should you risk becoming the entrepreneur you’ve always dreamed about? When your grandchild comes to you with such questions, you can answer them clearly when viewed through the lens of family values. This viewpoint provides an effective way to narrow life’s many choices and pursue a lifestyle that reflects purposeful balance rather than internal conflict.
Peace of mind rewards those who forge a path aligned to a set of established values. Research shows that one of the most important predictors of happiness is the congruence of one’s life with one’s values. When we live an authentic life in agreement with four or five core values, we are happy, healthy, engaged, productive and resilient. When we act on these values, we feel satisfied by living a purposeful, self-determined existence.
Clarifying your personal values is the starting point for understanding what you want your legacy to be. As grandparents, we can have a profound influence on future generations.
Family values pull together shared priorities in family life, making grandparents potentially powerful influencers. Wrapped in traditions, songs and stories (even vacations), they can help your grandchildren to make good choices and solidify the family bond, from generation to generation.
