No one should die for a bucket list. All I’m saying is, of the three most dangerous situations I’ve experienced in my life, two were on my bucket list: whitewater rafting and, more recently, an Everglades tour.
Not Really a Pet
Although I’ve been to Florida dozens of times, I’d never seen the Everglades. My daughter and I drove from Miami to Key West last fall to celebrate her birthday. Since we were in the area and had a few free hours, we broke away from our itinerary to squeeze in a visit to the Everglades. After a quick Google search, we passed up a budget-friendly $29 airboat tour for one that, for another $30, we figured would not only be better but also cost more. A win-win.
The extra 30 bucks bought us a profane and bizarre tour through the grassy expanse. Our first stop was a platform sporting a firepit and large tent that our guide insisted he didn’t live on but I suspect he absolutely did, We rode on.
Did you know alligators can lunge five feet out of the water? That was an interesting (and, as it turned out, useful) fact our guide told us, among other swamp-centric nuggets. Wanting to manage expectations, he also said he couldn’t guarantee we’d see a wild alligator. I’d seen one in a ditch at a Hardee’s restaurant, so he may not have known what he was talking about.
But, not to worry. As a backup, he had two “pet” alligators to show us, as long as we didn’t include photos of them in our reviews. He’d already had a minor kerfuffle with the courts over his cozy relationship with alligators and was annoyed by an unflattering online review after he pulled a python onto his airboat and killed it. Some people have no appetite for adventure.
We stopped at an open area in the grass, the light airboat bobbing in the water. Our guide made a clicking sound with his tongue. Within seconds, a large alligator broke through the surface and swam to the side — our side — of the boat, our legs and the rest of us uncomfortably exposed and well within its five-foot lunge potential. The alligator writhed and twisted before partially sliding onto the boat’s front platform. Our guide pulled dinner rolls from a bag and fed them to the alligator, its white teeth chomping the soft bread. I didn’t know what to say; my daughter did.
“Nothing is more dangerous than a domesticated wild animal,” she said under her breath, inching away from the boat’s edge and squeezing me into the Austrian tourist next to me. She may not be an Everglades guide, but she recognized a risky situation when she was in one.
I gave him a five-star review (no photos), because, while it was more harrowing than a typical airboat tour, we didn’t get hurt. I never want to be that close to an alligator again.
I hope the bucket list stories in this issue inspire you to find new skills, embrace adventure and remain within your danger zone.
If the Everglades is on your bucket list, I’d go with a $29 tour. It’s probably safer and you can drive by Hardee’s later if you don’t see an alligator.
Marie
