November/December 2016

The holidays can be a time of joy, happiness and excitement; they can also be stressful, lonely and overwhelming for those who are caring for a loved one. HERE ARE SOME TIPS TO HELP FIGHT STRESS AND BURNOUT:

RECOGNIZE YOU MAY BE LONELY Often, when you have been the primary caregiver, you may let many of your family relationships, friends, hobbies and other interests take a backseat because of caregiver duties. Sometimes it can be difficult to reach out and to reconnect. Let people know you have no plans and are open to an invitation. You’ll be glad you did.

THINK ABOUT YOUR EXPECTATIONS What are your expectations for the holidays? It is important to keep in mind that nothing may go as planned. Do you really need a 10-course dinner? Can some of your guests make a dish? Can some of your guests arrive early and help prepare the house? Can you cook ahead and freeze part of it? Can you use a caterer?

STAY POSITIVE Try not to worry about things out of your control. Only deal with the task at hand.

LEARN TO SAY NO You will be forgiven. You’re not super human, so know your limitations.

IT’S OK TO LAUGH This year’s disaster might be next year’s funny story. Enjoy the memories that are being made, even if they aren’t all planned.

Bring a Loved One Along, but Remember:

• They may tire easily; plan on an early meal.

• Keep familiar traditions and rituals.

• Serve foods that are familiar to them.

• Allow time for a nap.

• Be sure to take up slippery throw rugs.

• Provide a steady chair with sturdy chair arms.

• Have extra clothing in case of a spill or accident.

• If you are going to a restaurant, make sure it’s handicapped accessible.

It is not easy for parents to realize that their children have profound disabilities or mental illness.

They face the fact that their children will continue to need care and support for the rest of their lives.

It seems logical and understandable that parents will take over for their disabled child when they become adults. However, those rights are not granted to them by a mere fact of their child’s mental illness or profound disabilities.

When a child turns 18 and becomes an adult, parents lose all legal rights to act on behalf of the child, even if that adult child is not competent to act on his own behalf. That exclusion extends to medical records, a crucial point when an adult child receives complex medical treatment for physical or psychological issues.

It is important in this situation for parents to be prepared to take legal measures in a timely manner to protect their adult child’s interests and to ensure his well-being and proper care.

GETTING STARTED The first and most important step in this situation is to obtain guardianship over the adult child. There are two types of guardianships: of person and of estate. Often, the adult child does not have any assets, and the parents only need to obtain guardianship of person.

To become a guardian, the parent must file an application with the probate court of the county where the adult child resides. The court investigates each case and reviews doctors’ statements before a judge or court official makes a decision to appoint a guardian.

After the parent is appointed legal guardian of an adult child, the parent has the right to act on behalf of the child and has authority to access the child’s legal and medical records.

However, as soon as the parent becomes the guardian of person and of estate of an adult child, the parent assumes new duties and responsibilities.

Feed your Christmas spirit with holiday travel. Stuff a duffle and zip your puffy coat. Set Sirius radio to carols and ask Siri to map the destination. Find serious seasonal spirit nearby in Frankenmuth, Michigan, or Oglebay, West Virginia, or Ellicottville, New York. In less than two tanks of gas, you’ll be making new memories. If you have the flexibility, consider a midweek stay. There’s more availability, fewer crowds and better pricing.

SEE THE LIGHTS AND MORE

Oglebay Resort – about 173 miles from Cleveland – is legendary for its Christmas lighting display. Northeast Ohioans sign up for popular bus tours

more than 300 acres along a six-mile drive. This year’s display will be lit Nov. 11 through Jan. 8.

Introduced in 1985, the Winter Festival of Lights is among the nation’s largest. Eighty displays include the Rainbow Tunnel and a 2,000-light Polyhedron Star. Close to 60 feet tall and spanning 50 feet in diameter, the Poinsettia Wreath and Candles is the festival’s tallest. A dramatic new light structure opens this month.

The resort is more than lights and Christmas: It’s a self-contained destination set on 1,700 acres full of recreational activities.

Wilson Lodge has 270 guestrooms, a spa, dining and more. Dining options range from cookouts to banquets to gourmet meals. Weather permitting, the

grounds offer golf, hiking and biking, and a 30-acre zoo, train ride, theater, glass museum, mansion museum and Environmental Education Center. And, of course, specialty shops that are a good place to find holiday gifts.

Guest rooms in the West Wing have been completely renovated, and an outdoor activity area with zipline and ropes course recently has been added.

A PHOTO-PERFECT SETTING

Ellicettville, New  York – about 177 miles from Cleveland – is best known as the home of Holiday Valley ski resort. Off the slopes, a solid dusting of snow adds Christmas charm to this mini mecca of dining and retail.

We all have friends or relatives on our gift-giving list who are not looking at toy catalogs or the latest kitchen gadget. They are the dear individuals who are gracefully enjoying life and aging in place (code words for those over 60).

HERE ARE A FEW GIFT IDEAS FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION:

• In-home spa service of a facial, massage or mani/pedi

• One month of pet walking twice a week

• Car detailing

• Gourmet dinner prepared by a chef in the home for friends or family

• Fruit of the month club

• Two months of house cleaning — an awesome gift to free up time

• Personal shopper for groceries

• Consultation with a home designer

Many of these gift ideas are readily available in Northeast Ohio. Most businesses will provide a gift certificate or card that explains the details of the gift.

MORE IDEAS

While it’s tempting to give a gift of the services of a professional decluttering and reorganizing company, pause and reconsider.

After the holidays, if you want to address a loved one’s clutter situation, consider what worked for one family and their grandmother who was overrun with too many odds and ends that were difficult for her to part with.

All of the children and grandchildren came over, and the grandmother had each person use small Post-It notes to identify items they wanted after she passed away. The grandmother was able to decide what to pack away to give to charity, friends and others.

The day provided an opportunity for the grandmother to spend time with family, recall memories and ensure that her cherished items would go to family members after her death.

Create a unique way to give to those who support you. Lifetime friends, dear neighbors, a tight-knit family or great co-workers whose support and friendship help you to be happy and successful throughout the year all are worthy of a party. The group can be from any area of your life that you want to celebrate. And this time of year, the holidays provide a perfect backdrop.

EAT, DRINK & BE A GREAT HOST

Regardless of whether you are providing appetizers or choose to serve a more substantial meal, the key is to keep the spread simple yet visually appealing. You want to visit with your friends, not run frantically from the kitchen to the serving area to the door greeting guests. No one enjoys seeing a host spend most of their time preparing and serving food and drinks than visiting with their guests.

Mood Foods

Spud Bar

Chives, bacon, sour cream and cheese assortments can flesh out this theme. Make potatoes ahead of time, wrap them in aluminum foil and keep them warm in an oven until party time.

Soup Bar

Offer a broth-based, cheese-based and a chili along with a variety of crackers and toppings. Use small ramekins so everyone can try multiple soups. Again, make these ahead of time. Borrow Crock-Pots to keep everything steaming hot

Taco Bar

This is all the rage with many restaurants specializing in Mexican fare. You really can’t go wrong here. Before guests arrive, arrange all the basic ingredients (and a few they don’t expect — shredded cabbage, spicy shrimp maybe?).

You can’t bottle sunshine, but with special care you can bring its vigor into your house during the long dormant season. Check the calendar — fall is here, but that doesn’t mean your gardening time has to end.

Overwintering perennial herbs — such as rosemary and thyme — are a multifunctional and fun way to tap warm weather vitality by boosting your spirit and pleasing the palate.

But, it’s not as easy bringing pots inside. The indoor herb garden requires extra effort in Northeast Ohio, according to Karen Kennedy, education coordinator for The Herb Society of America, based in Kirtland. Extra effort means providing supplemental light and attentive watering.

LIGHT, LIGHT AND MORE LIGHT

“Most herbs require six to eight hours of sunlight per day,” says Briscoe White, co-founder and head grower at The Growers Exchange, an all-natural, online garden center in Virginia that specializes in rare and traditional herb plants for culinary, aromatic and medicinal use. “We recommend an unobstructed, southwest or east-facing window.”

That advice is more likely to succeed in areas further south. In Northeast Ohio, growing zones 6 and 7, winter sunshine can be elusive. In fact, if sun powers the plant’s energy production, imagine reducing that power 78 percent, from nine hours per day in July to roughly two hours per day in January. Not only do days get shorter in Northeast Ohio, actual sun strength dwindles. Less sunlight means reduced photosynthesis, and sun-loving herb plants starve.

So, what might look like success in October and November, could fail in January and February. That’s fine, if you have Kennedy’s expectations. “My goal is to keep it alive through the holidays, when I use it most,” she says of rosemary.

Post-holiday success is when modern light sources become important. That’s because traditional incandescent lighting is too hot and lacks the blue rays that plants need to move electrons and produce their own food.

Some call Baby Boomers — those between 52 and 70 this year — the Sandwich Generation because many are caring for both parents and children.

Similarly, many in this age group are sandwiched between inheriting assets or family businesses, and planning for future distributions of their own assets or transferring the family business.

An estimated 90 percent of inheritance is depleted by the third generation, and only 12 percent of family businesses survive from the second to the third generation, research shows. It is hard to know exactly how to prevent this, but many believe that communicating with and educating family members is key.

TELL YOUR STORY

Preserving wealth and family business is only part of the picture. Now is the time you can add to the picture of your life, change the story and make yourself understood. Simply put, people in this age group have reached a stage in their lives when finding meaning in life has become a priority.

You want your adult children and grandchildren to understand what you value most and why — how you have tried to make a difference and where. You also want them to be financially literate and prepared to inherit. You want your children to know why you give to your favorite charities, and you may hope that they carry on those choices.

Financial and legal advisers who work with adults in this situation may not feel comfortable starting the “soft” conversations around money and values. It is up to you to ask these professionals if they will work with your family to articulate the values that accompany the inheriting and passing on of valuables. Much more than assets are about to be transferred; ideals are being passed on to the next generation as well.

You can start the conversation yourself. Do you know the charitable organizations that mean the most to the people closest to you?

Over the next few months, we’ll get a chance to see many of this year’s likely Oscar contenders, and others that will keep us thinking and hoping and maybe even laughing.

So, what should be on your must-see list as the year winds down? We went to David Huffman of JRF Management, which runs Cleveland’s Capitol Theatre, Cedar Lee Theatre, Chagrin Cinemas, Shaker Square Cinemas and Tower City Cinemas.

This is what he’s looking forward to and what he thinks our readers will like, too:

1. HACKSAW RIDGE

(opening Nov. 4)

The extraordinary true story of conscientious objector Desmond Doss, who, in Okinawa during the bloodiest battle of World War II, saved 75 men without firing a gun.

Starring Andrew Garfield and Sam Worthington

2. RULES DON’T APPLY

(opening Nov. 11)

It’s Hollywood, 1958. Small town beauty queen and devout Baptist Marla Mabrey, under contract to the infamous Howard Hughes, arrives in Los Angeles. At the airport, she meets her personal driver, Frank Forbes, only two weeks on the job and also from a religiously conservative background. Their instant attraction not only puts their religious convictions to the test, but also defies Hughes’ No. 1 rule: No employee is allowed to have an intimate relationship with a contract actress.

Starring Warren Beatty, Annette Bening, Alec Baldwin, Alden Ehrenreich and Lily Collins

3. ALLIED

(opening Nov. 23)

The story of intelligence officer Max Vatan, who in 1942 North Africa encounters French Resistance fighter Marianne Beausejour on a deadly mission behind enemy lines. Reunited in London, their relationship is threatened by the extreme pressures of the war.

Starring Brad Pitt and Marion Cotillard

4. MANCHESTER BY THE SEA

(opening late November/early December, date TBD)

Lee Chandler is a brooding, irritable loner who works as a handyman for a Boston apartment block. One damp winter day, he gets a call summoning him to his hometown, north of the city.