“Every time I step into this garden, I’m transported to a place of green that inspires me to be strong and beautiful, like the plants growing here. My garden has been a huge mentor. It has helped me to slow down, slough off the cares of the day, and remind me of the joy of seeing the first blossom on the tomato plant. I experience renewed joy and awe every time I see another one.” — Argerie Vasilakes ...

It makes sense: the more we give, the more we get. But what exactly are we getting? This year, why not develop your generosity gene and reap the rewards - you'll be glad you did. ...

Let Freedom Ring

Define Your Time

 

 

 

By Estelle Rodis-Brown

 

 

Ahh, freedom.

 

From the page of our nation’s Declaration of Independence to the pages of our lives, nothing’s quite so sweet as the intoxicating ring of freedom — the certain unalienable rights of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.

 

Yet, if you really think about it (or read the full Declaration), you must accept freedom from something before you can pursue freedom to something better.

 

Stretching Limits

 

After midlife, we experience a cascade of new freedoms, if we can see change in a positive light. Whether it’s a newly empty nest, the absence of a partner, retirement or downsizing, each change represents a freedom from old obligations and expectations. This opens up new possibilities: freedom.

 

Suddenly, you find yourself with time and space that you didn’t have before. Don’t fritter them away on daytime TV and falling into the same old ruts left over from that previous life. Instead, satisfy old longings you never gave yourself permission to pursue before. Join that class you were afraid someone else would think was silly. Take that trip you talked yourself out of before. Paint your living room that bold color you always wished you could. Reach out for better relationships. Because guess what? Now you can.

 

Big Changes, A Life Redefined

 

Perhaps no one better illustrates the dramatic before-and-after equation of life than Brenda Formberg of Ravenna.

 

When midlife hit Formberg, so did a slew of unwelcome changes: She divorced. Her daughter left for college. There was a second cancer diagnosis, job loss, and the resulting need to find a new home.

 

Her outlook seemed hopeless as pieces of her once-stable life fell apart. Eventually, Brenda emerged with renewed vigor for the pursuit of life, liberty and, yes, happiness.

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Recess for Grown-ups

Up Your Play Game

 

By Estelle Rodis-Brown

 

“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”

 

As it turns out, this old proverb rings true, far into adulthood. Too much work and not enough playtime can damage your attitude, your social life and — in full circle fashion — even your productivity. So put play to work for you.

 

Do You Play?

 

Our society tends to reject play for adults. Play is considered unproductive, petty, even a guilty pleasure. Adulthood forces us to get serious and set aside childish ways. Between personal and professional responsibilities, there’s no time to play anyway — or so we think.

 

However, play is just as important for adults as it is for kids, and it should not be neglected. Play brings joy and rejuvenation. It’s also vital for problem solving, creativity and relationships.

 

In that case, what qualifies as play? Kathryn Orantek is the personal training coordinator for health, physical education and recreation programs at Lorain County Community College. She says, “Play is any activity, structured or unstructured, that allows adults to let go of their inhibitions, forget about the outside world and just have fun.”

 

Considering her background in health and wellness, Orantek “would love to see people spend more time engaging in physical activity while playing, but I suppose you could apply it to games, coloring, puzzles and such.”

 

No Goal? That’s the Idea

 

Play is a state of being that’s purposeless, fun and pleasurable, psychiatrist Stuart Brown, M.D., says in his book “Play.”

 

The focus is more on the experience than on accomplishing a goal. Play can be art, books, movies, music, comedy, flirting and daydreaming, says Brown, who founded the National Institute for Play.

 

Ultimately, play is a process that stirs up surprise, pleasure, understanding and strength of mind, body and spirit.

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Friend Power

Making Connections that Count

 

“True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. To find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing.“

— Baltasar Gracian

Friendships define nearly every stage of life.

From playing with neighborhood pals during elementary school, to hanging out in junior high, to exploring adolescence through high school, and then branching out at college and at work, many of us can relate each era to a specific friend or friends.

As time, geographical distance, career choices, military service, marriages, families, divorces and other turning points make their marks, friendships can fizzle. While new situations offer opportunities for new friendships, sometimes it’s just easier to keep to yourself.

Do You Have Friends?

By the time people pass middle age, many find themselves friendless, isolated and lonely. Twenty-eight percent of people 65 and older live alone, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

About two-thirds of older men report not having a close friend, and 16 percent of widows have no friends. This can take a toll on one’s emotional, mental and physical health. Social isolation and loneliness are linked to higher risks of cognitive decline, depression, chronic disease and mortality in adults 52 and older, according to a study published by Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

If misery loves company, consider this: 10,000 people nationwide turn 65 or older every day. Locally, 282,513 people age 60 and older live in Cuyahoga County. Adults 60 and older constituted 21.3 percent of Cuyahoga County’s population in 2010. By 2030, this population is projected to grow to 31 percent, outnumbering those younger than 20, according to The Center for Community Solutions.

Taking into account this strength in numbers, this age group is in a prime position to reach out to friends — new and old — for meaningful companionship, support and human contact.

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Life is a river, and we’re all in it together. Some people float merrily along with the current. Others get stuck in motionless eddies, and yet others find themselves in rough rapids, fighting to stay upright.

It’s only those who assess their current position while keeping an eye on the obstacles or preferred tributaries ahead who can successfully use their paddles to choose a new direction.

That’s how clinical psychologist Dr. Mary Malek illustrates the way people handle trauma (defined as “anything unexpected”) in their lives. From her practice in Twinsburg, she specializes in helping clients “cope with the challenges of life, transform relationships, achieve personal goals and gain a sense of hope for the future.”

GET READY

Malek recognizes that the period after midlife is inherently traumatic. Children grow up, become independent and leave home; the work environment forces us to adapt or move on; relationships can stagnate; and the physical body ages, offering up unwelcome wrinkles, weaknesses and possible illness. All of this can be summed up in one word: pain. Pain forces us to either give in to the power of life’s current or to seize the opportunity to set new goals and to experience a new season of fulfillment.

“Pain gets a bad rap. It’s the single biggest motivator for change,” Malek says. “We’re wired to be stubborn and stick with old patterns long after they have outlived their usefulness. We need to listen to our pain. It’s telling us to change direction.”

GET SET

When we get to the point of acute pain, we need to stop pretending we can muddle through all alone. “Humble yourself enough to ask for help,” Malek advises. “You don’t have to be such a rugged individualist; community matters. We all need someone to come alongside us as we go through life.

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