Aging and Life Enhancement
By Kathryn Kilpatrick, M.A.
During the upcoming holidays, you may find yourself spending time with an older adult who seems to have more memory or cognitive challenges. Communicating effectively with a person who is becoming more forgetful often requires some patience as well as a willingness to try a few different strategies.
The more relaxed they are interacting with you, it is likely to become a more positive experience for them as well as you. Also take into consideration that if the person has a hearing loss, moving to a quieter area or one with fewer distractions can be beneficial.
See my blog post from last month for information on how to borrow free memory kits from your local library. There are several games, brain teasers and mental exercises you can do together.
Here are two other holiday blogs posts that may come in handy as you make your plans:
DECEMBER HOLIDAYS AND AGING ADULTS
“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
When you try some of these suggestions, you can frequently make a significant difference in the quality of the time that you spend together.
- Watch their facial expressions. In many cases, you will be able to tell that they are on information overload or that the circumstances are starting to become a problem for them.
- Speak slowly and calmly. Be careful not to raise your voice if it is not needed. A person that cannot understand a message or forgets what was said does not necessarily have a problem with their hearing. Start with modifying how you approach the situation.
- Information that is less complex and more to-the-point may be easier to follow, understand and remember.
- Creating a quiet and non-distracting environment may be one of the most helpful things you can do. Monitor situations that start out that way then become busier when you are with them. It may be beneficial to consider moving to a quieter location.
- Provide directions one or two steps at a time rather than making them long and involved. (If you are writing down something you might want them to remember for later, larger print may be the best option.)
- You may need to repeat or rephrase the information. When repeating, try to say it exactly the same way or try it a different way. This may be your cue to simplify what you are saying moving forward.
- In some cases pointing or using simple gestures to clarify the information can be helpful. They may even use this technique when they are having trouble thinking of a word or are trying to express an idea.
- In some cases, it will take them longer than usual to process the information you are telling them. Make sure you allow enough time before you either repeat or try to rephrase the information.
- Do not change topics often. Too much information and jumping from one story to another can result in the person confusing several stories or pieces of information.
- When a person is having trouble thinking of a word, encourage them to try a description, tell you something about it, use another word or perhaps try to point, gesture or draw it.
- Every person is unique and what works for one person may not be effective for another. Also, what works for a person one time may not be as successful other times.
- When a person is having problems recalling the names of items, it may be easier if you ask them a yes or no question. In many cases they may know the answer but cannot think of the word.
- Instead of asking them what they would like to drink, you might say “Would you like something to drink?” If they say yes, then you might ask, “Would you like something cold to drink?” Then do the same when you offer them some beverage options. Or offer two word choices. You might ask if they would like coffee or tea.
- If you know their story and they are having trouble with a person’s name, you might ask if they are talking about Joe or Robert.
- Try to supply them with information rather than test them. You might tell them the name of the person that is coming into the room and something about that person. Remember to keep the information simple.
- It is usually easier to follow a conversation if you use proper names and not too many pronouns such as “he” and “she.”
- It is often difficult for a person with memory impairments to initiate a conversation or keep it going. If you take on that responsibility you may find they are more likely to participate, especially if they enjoy reminiscing. Their long-term memory is often better than their short-term memory, so they may be less interested in current happenings, but might enjoy stories, movies, photographs and memorabilia from the past.
- An important part of spending time together is enjoying some of the funny and humorous things that happen. Find out what makes them laugh and try to bring some of that into their lives. Young children and pets can brighten their day, but make sure that you do not make things too hectic, confusing or fast-paced. A little bit of that may go a long way!
Remember that hugs are important but not everyone is comfortable with them. Be sensitive to their wishes. Maybe they would prefer a compliment or just a gentle reassurance.
“In helping others, we shall help ourselves. For whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us. ~Flora Edwards
