Editor’s Note: I’m not sure this will make you feel much better, but if you’re lonely, you’re not alone.
What I mean is, you may be alone and aren’t happy about it, and there are plenty of people feeling the same thing. Think of it as being in a group of circles that never overlap: many are in the same boat as you are, but few realize it.
This time of year is especially tough. The mid-winter doldrums have set in, there’s not much going on, and the weather, while a cozy respite for some, drives many of us indoors and interrupts our plans when we do try to go out and about.
About one in three people say they’re lonely, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Here are a few pointers from a Cleveland Clinic psychologist to help with the struggle, which damages both our mental and physical health.
“Chronic loneliness is known to trigger the fight-or-flight response, the stress response in the body. When we feel stressed, our bodies are flooded with cortisol, and this tends to weaken our immune system and increase inflammation, which leaves us at risk for higher incidents of strokes, heart attacks, heart disease, dementia, and early death,” says Susan Albers, PsyD, a psychologist with the Cleveland Clinic.
Dr. Albers says loneliness can take many forms. Some people may seem stressed, tired, or turn to substance use. The longer someone feels lonely, the more it impacts the brain. So, the sooner it’s addressed, the better.
To combat loneliness, it’s important to be with people, not just around them. Good ways to find quality interaction include volunteering or signing up for a class or book club. Dr. Albers says that activities that pair people with exercise are a double bonus because activity releases feel-good neurotransmitters in the brain. If you suspect someone in your life is lonely, check in with them, and if at first you don’t succeed, try again.
“When someone is dodging all of your efforts to connect, don’t give up. It’s important not to let them suffer in silence. Continue to circle around, check on them, and keep asking,” she says. “They often don’t see that people want to connect with them. So, the more you ask, the more it’s going to sink in that they are welcome and invited into your world.”
Big life changes, like moving, a promotion, or becoming a parent, often cause feelings of loneliness. In these situations, Dr. Albers says it’s key to prepare and proactively plan ways to cope.
