It’s easy to fall into a relational pitfall, especially between generations. Miscommunications, differences of opinion and confusion can happen in everyday relationships; even more so when generation gaps are at play.
Differing viewpoints can lead to problems and misunderstandings, some of which could be fixed with a quick, clarifying conversation. It’s time for Boomers (born between 1946 and 1964) and Millennials (born between 1980 and 1994) to clear the air, according to a new article in Parade magazine.
To bridge the generation gap, psychologists point out nine social habits Boomers have that confuse younger generations, and explain how we can understand each other better.
“Boomers grew up in a world where hierarchy, stability and face-to-face communication were both expected and valued,” says Dr. Crystal Saidi, PsyD, a licensed psychologist.
“Millennials and Gen Z grew up in a world centered around technology, flexibility and efficiency. This creates tension because each generation assumes their way is the right way, when they are simply operating from different rulebooks.”
Boomers didn’t grow up with social media and its pressures, and they were much less likely to be accepting of therapy. Millennials, on the other hand, are seen as ‘bad parents’ if they do what Boomers used to—like letting kids play outdoors unsupervised—and focus more on being authentic than avoiding judgment.
There is often tension around these differences because neither generation understands the context of the other and where the behaviors stem from. That can lead to Millennials seeing Boomers’ habits as annoying and unnecessary, and Boomers seeing Millennials as cavalier about important things.
Here are the top nine Boomer habits that confuse younger generations:
1. Calling rather than texting
For Boomers, making a phone call is a quick and easy decision. For Millennials, it feels awkward and untimely.
Phone calls were the primary mode of communication for decades, and phone calls signal respect and formality among Boomers. Millennials view calls as intrusive unless scheduled. Texting is more efficient, and lets people reply when it’s convenient.
2. Feeling anxious or habitually catastrophizing
While someone worrying about you means they care, it can add unhelpful fear.
Boomers may warn their Millennial children that they must go to the dentist or their teeth will fall out, for instance. Boomers may think they are doing the right thing, but from a different perspective, it’s just creating unnecessary fear, which is why Millennials have a problem with it.
3. Showing up unannounced
Has your Boomer grandparent or parent dropped by your house without checking in first? Or maybe you’re the parent or grandparent, and you’re surprised that your child or grandchild is surprised? It’s a generational thing.
“In many Boomer neighborhoods, neighbors walked in freely, and visits did not always require planning ahead,” Dr. Saidi explains. “Millennials value privacy and emotional prep time. ‘Just stopping by’ can feel intrusive or like an ambush.”
4. Prioritizing work loyalty over work-life balance
Do you give 110% to your work, or do you find more value in work-life balance? That answer may tell you if you’re a Boomer or a Millennial.
“Many Boomers grew up during an era where long hours were linked to job security, and sacrifice was like a badge of honor,” Dr. Saidi says. “Millennials value mental health and efficiency. They see overworking as unhealthy, outdated and not admirable.”
5. Adhering strictly to gender roles
Younger generations have challenged gender roles, including the idea that once a man and woman get married, then the man goes to work and the woman stays home to cook and clean. Many Boomers, however, tend to embrace that traditional viewpoint.
6. Relying heavily on paper
There are two kinds of people: technology people and paper-and-pen people.
Paper was once the safest and most reliable form of documentation. Boomers are less comfortable with devices and apps, than paper checks, printed directions and physical paperwork.
Millennials tend to see paper as slow, inefficient and outdated. Why bring a checkbook when you can use the Venmo app in seconds?
7. Invalidating Millennials’ struggles
Maybe you’ve seen Boomer memes where older adults talk about walking two miles in the snow to get to school or enduring other hardships before so many daily tasks became automated.
By maximizing their own struggles, they may fail to recognize the different context of adulting these days, and they can’t seem to understand why it might be different or harder now, despite advancements in technology.
8. Expecting small talk everywhere
Engaging in small talk is yet another social habit that’s viewed differently according to generations.
For Boomers, polite small talk was a universal social experience at stores, the post office, banks and on neighbors’ front porches. But Millennials may interpret small talk as unnecessary or awkward, as they value efficiency more highly.
9. Making comments about people’s appearance
Maybe you’ve heard a Boomer talk about how someone has gained weight or how their clothing “looks cheap.”
Millennials see this as judgmental and unkind, whereas Boomers grew up with a strong emphasis on appearance and self-worth based on how people present themselves in public.
How to better understand different generations
When interacting with someone of a different generation or perspective, the solution is straightforward: try to understand where they’re coming from.
“Understanding the ‘why’ behind someone’s habits creates compassion,” Dr. Saidi says. “It is important to swap judgment for curiosity and to try and learn from one another’s communication norms.”
Ask questions, ask for stories and listen to the answers. Boomers and Millennials can learn to appreciate the different perspectives that each brings.
